the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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