My room smells like vodka and shame
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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