3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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