I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
