What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
