mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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