I want to stick my p in your. b.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
