New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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