His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
