I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
