I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
