Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
True strength comes from lack of pants
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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