After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
