Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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