Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
