I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
