Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
