you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Randomize
