If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We got so high we made milksteak
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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