i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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