We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
