grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
