this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
