I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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