but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You've changed since you got that strap on
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
