there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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