i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I am one with the molecules
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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