Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
