3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
