Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
