ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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