I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
