No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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