I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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