me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
