I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
