from now on my penis is your penis
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
