So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
