There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
