Acid is not a monday night drug
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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