I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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