chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We need to get me chipped asap
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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