At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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