so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
