my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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