I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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