Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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