Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
