Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
