I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
