Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
