her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
